Administration – Anything in a tardy, incomplete and deferred state.
Advocacy – A type of eloquent rage.
Anxiety – Side effect of Compliance.
Assessment – A circus act that involves putting a young person in a box, upon which the crowd cheers.
ATSI – Statistical unit used to performatively show seriousness and integrity.
Audit – The meaning of life.
AVO – Big red nuclear weapon button that says Don’t Press Me.
Awareness – Unknown, except that if it is not raising, then people are in big trouble.
BBQ – I’ve got no idea what to do.
Beds, Number of – A number always smaller than the number of humans on hand.
Behaviour – 1. Scientific measurement used to justify penalising students for having complex lives. 2. Word used by youth workers to demonstrate effortless authority.
Benefit – Ordinary slavery.
Brokerage – That feeling of guilt associated with the expiration of program funds for the purpose of enabling bad Client behaviour in the name of nursing the Youth Worker’s inner child.
Budgeting – A way for a youth worker to easily humiliate a client while achieving nothing.
Bullying – 1. Transference of Trauma. 2. A large imaginary monster created by Anxiety. 3. Something used by Awareness and Ministers to improve public profile.
Burnout – Standard operational procedures.
CALD – See: ATSI.
Camp – A least some idea of what to do, but not quite enough.
Career – The entropy of all continuity.
Case Load – Same problems, different people, all year, every year.
Case Management – 1. Rhetoric used to bully other Service Providers in the fair-game competition for money. 2. A coded sequence of words that keeps managers at bay.
Case Notes – A litany of woe that cannot be leaked due to public disinterest.
Case Plan – An embarrassment that is forgotten as much as possible.
Centrelink – Most holy of sacred sites where the community gathers to help keep the economy going.
Client – 1. A unit of non-compliance that is a managed impediment to the getting of money. 2. Something easy to blame for things going wrong. 3. A vessel of fault for its own problems.
Clients – 1. A number to be counted in order to justify the getting of money. 2. If low in number, it is used by a manger to obliterate employment; if high in number, it is used by youth worker to brag.
Client Centred Service – No, I’m not going to talk to you.
Chapter 16A – Yes, you are going to talk to me.
Charity – 1. An unsustainable way of holding a community together. 2. The only way that community is held together. 3. See: Defunded.
Child-Sex-Offenders List – A list of sick monsters or scapegoats, that possibly half of a Case Load lives with or associates with – which Community Services does as little as possible about.
Conference – An opportunity to waste time listening to well educated people pretending to know what they are talking about and wanting desperately to appear as compassionate. Usually enough hubris to cause vomit.
Community Services – A club with rules: expensive clothes and avoidant behaviour.
Compassion – An element of branding the Service Provider.
Compliance – Good boy/girl etc.
Consent – 1. An empty ritual that preludes avoidance of whatever is written and agreed upon in the Case Plan. 2. Something that the client forgets and the youth worker takes constant liberty of.
Consortium – A type of fish that is impossible to pick up.
Contempt – 1. See: Minister. 2. What all humanity deserves.
Contract – A form of institutionalised bullying.
Cool – A sin that must not be practiced by youth workers, otherwise they will forfeit all credibility.
Country – Also seen as ‘Land’. Unfortunately yet to have impact on the unreasonableness of Landlords and Real Estate Agents.
Counsellor – At best, something therapeutically beneficial after much shopping by the Client; at worst, a process of re-living Trauma only to walk away empty handed.
Cowboy – A type of Youth Worker that does it his way, climbing the greasy pole of local power and being in favour with the Minister, etc. etc. Often the darling of local media. Entraps Disengaged Young People in dubious schemes that lead nowhere.
Credit – Clients are able to forgo food regularly, but Credit is a wellspring that the Youth Worker must endlessly provide.
Crime – Unmediated democratic expression.
CRN – Personalised dog collar.
Defunded – A necessary and prudent end to the age of entitlement.
Delinquent – Word used to signify the speaker’s well respected nobility.
Depression – A shared dirge between clients and youth workers.
Disengagement – Ordinary modus operandi of Teenagers, treated as apostasy.
Diet – Noodles, pizza and Drugs.
Drugs – Vector of honesty collapse.
Early Intervention – 1. Words expressed in order to manage feelings around taking the children away. 2. Words expressed to justify doing less gritty work. 3. Highly effective marketing in order to maximised brand penetration. 4. Group activities designed to make workers feel good about themselves.
Education – 1. Machinery used to destroy Goals. 2. See: Compliance.
Election – A build-up of gasses that increases false-hope, only to deflate as a fart.
Elders – Never ending source of ideas and opinions about what to do, where, with whom, how and why. Possible resource if ideas have reduced to BBQ, unless of course they want BBQ.
Employment – Exploit young people for cheap labour, then dump them when they are older because the law says you have to pay them more.
Employment Service Provider – Treadmill of humiliation for clients and highly lucrative ventures for Service Providers.
Enabling – The extent that any youth work is effective.
Engagement – Subordination of client to passive and controllable state.
Evaluation – Intensely clever usage of words and numbers that effectively convince managers that it was their idea all along and without them nothing would have happened.
Expo – Day off from Hell.
Facilitation – A masquerade of noble behaviour concealing routine Enabling.
Family Court – Slow motion torture.
Food – 1. For some clients it is an irregular event, which must be met with desperate gorging. 2. Something that it a precursor to concentration, which Teachers, School, and Parents overly focussed on Behaviour fail to understand.
Funding – 1. No. You cannot get a pay rise. 2. An instrument of perpetual fear in ever-reducing cycles of potential defunding (see Defunded). 3. Election bait.
Gap, Closing The – Long-form insult.
Goals – 1. Aspirations that rely upon the denial of reality. 2. An opportune chance to express dreary routine dreams and socially acceptable fantasies. 3. A disastrous and fertile ground for wayward sporting and coaching analogies.
GP – 1. Last person to see about Suicide. 2. Often the only person to see about Suicide.
Grant – A thing no one has time for.
Grog – Economic lubricant.
Group Activity – A precision method for neglecting individual needs.
Health and Wellbeing – A cosmetic glow applied to clients, as if by magic.
Hell – See: Service Area
Help – Exactly what a youth worker provides to a young person when they need it themselves.
Homelessness – 1. A type of perpetual partying without responsibilities. 2. Something we can all agree upon: that they deserve it. 3. A necessary function of saving up for Nuclear Submarines.
Hope – A type of toxin once ingested causes prolonged illness.
Housing – 1. Rarer than sanity. 2. Punishment system for being human. 3. 10+ year wait list just to get the real-deal ghetto experience.
Ice – Agile entrepreneurship.
I.D. – 1. The slaver’s whip. 2. A game of chess where you have nothing but pawns. 3. A hollow gesture as everyone is already on the kill-list anyway.
Interagency – A nexus of poor communication, Cowboys and buck-passers.
Interagency Meeting – 1. A communal mourning. 2. A place to hide from solutions. 3. Something to avoid in order to communicate your healthy competitive spirit.
Juvenile – A term used to describe a young person that is yet to be broken by the system.
Juvenile Detention – Often called ‘Juvi’, can be used as a cultural rite-of-passage and education-centre for greater crime productivity.
Justice – 1. Modern front of the invasion. 2. A tedious ritual manipulation of Magistrates using advocacy letters, only to result in more Enabling.
Keys – Object enabling client to ditch the youth worker.
Knowledge – Deficit to be filled by youth worker, much to the friction of the client.
Landlord – 1. Profiteer of invasion. 2. The blood enemy of Teenagers.
Liability – 1. A convenient excuse not to do work somewhere. 2. Formalised Contempt for human life.
Literacy – The ability to endure Centrelink forms.
Lease – A most sacred holy religious text that inevitably bears desecration.
LGBTQUIA – Interpretative dance performed by youth workers that emotes marketable meaning, similar to Compassion.
Life – 1. An inconvenient by-product of Sex, for which Contempt has no recourse other than to develop Policy for. 2. Awaiting a CRN.
Life-Skills – Same function as Budgeting.
Like – A precursor for destruction.
Link2Home – An ordeal that involves dropping everything only to listen to bad hold music for hours. Homeless client may or may not end up in a motel. Good luck.
Love – A reliable time-bomb.
Make A Difference – An agitated, frothing-at-the-mouth state that youth workers can suffer from time to time. Seek medical treatment immediately.
Manager – 1. Award and recognition aggregator. 2. Unit that survives defunding. 3. The cosmic motivational force behind the essential emergence and manifestation of Case Notes. 4. A potentially supportive person whom protects the youth worker from Burnout.
Mandatory Reporter – Betray the confidence of the client to achieve nothing.
Mandatory Reporters Helpline – Community Services Greatest Hits.
Mediation – Either something that doesn’t happen, or something that buys a little time before certain cataclysm.
Mental Health – 1. A type of red fish that produces denial of the real causal factors and provides welfare to pharmaceutical corporations. 2. A slough of Awareness.
Mentor – Various types of mental-rubbish passed on through a haze of nostalgia.
Minister – Vulnerable disadvantaged soul that must be shown care and compassion.
Mobile Phone – 1. Tracking and surveillance device used against clients and youth workers equally. See: Compliance. 2. A thing to be lost, broken or stolen; without fixed number. 3. Rent and food can wait.
Motivation – 1. Synonym for trickle-down economics. 2. Polite use of the term Compliance. 3. A mandated beautific benevolence that exudes forth in righteousness from youth workers. 4. A device of client-blame.
MOU – A self-congratulatory document enshrining nepotism.
Neglect – 1. Primary element magnetically attracted to youth workers. 2. Necessity in order to create dividends for the shareholders. 3. The only honesty of Drugs. 4. Pre-requisite conditioning for criminality. 5. Greatest mood killer when having a wine with friends.
Negligence – 1. Employment transience. 2. A paranoid fear that annihilates sleep. 3. Device used to criticise other youth workers in ego wars.
Night – When all youth work is undone.
Nuclear Submarines – Austerity program that the Homeless can make a special contribution to.
On Track – Cliché deployed to serve smugness, often without evidence of Outcomes. See: Cowboy.
Open Case – A type of chess move where the youth worker corners Community Services into losing major pieces.
Open-ended Questioning – Convincing the client of one thing when the youth worker does another.
Operational Costs – No. You still can’t have a pay rise.
Outcome – 1. A point in time where a case can be dropped or palmed off. 2. A carefully constructed lie. 3. A mirage that appears larger than it actually is. 4. A checkbox of relief.
Parent – 1. A honey-pot for blame, particularly for Teachers. 2. One who did not plan to be one. 3. The blood enemy of clients.
Party – Usually an increase in the youth worker’s workload.
Passion – Entry-level state of youth work.
Pay, My / Paid, I Got – A brief interlude in the opera.
PCYC – Often a venue for Group Activity.
Privacy – 1. A thing that does not exist, much like Santa Clause. 2. A rehearsed theatre piece designed to settle paranoid anxious clients.
Privatisation – Continuation of governmental Contempt for human life.
Program – 1. Ongoing comedy provided by government that bears little resemblance to frontline conditions. 2. Arbitrarily moving goal-posts that communities must endure in order to be a team player and show support for the Minister. 3. A monied statement by government to say “We’re doing something about it” when they are not. 4. Small gnawed-upon chicken bones that Service Providers scramble over.
Prostitution – Young person can tragically become payment in lieu of money for Drugs.
Police – 1. Clients use this to avoid looking at their own problems. 2. A presence that is used to provoke clients into violence when ordinarily nothing much would have happened. 3. Worn out individuals whom have seen too much and lost the ability to relate to anyone who isn’t Police.
Policy – Do as I say not as I do, etc. etc.
Power – As opposed to Outcomes, is what gets the money.
Qualification – 1. Something absent. 2. Something neglected. 3. Something put to disastrous use.
Question – A precursor to writing whatever is desired on the youth work assessment paperwork.
Quiet – Antonym of Camp.
Racism – a type of spectator sport, a void that commentary fills.
Rapport – Sales pitch campaign produced by the youth worker to ensure a high rate of conversion; namely, clients are ’empowered’ to achieve Outcomes so that Funding continues.
Real Estate Agent – Often the embodiment of Contempt.
Realistic – Do as little as possible.
Reconciliation – Word used in avoidance of Treaty.
Recovery – Indicator for youth workers to go slow and lazy with a case.
Risk of Significant Harm – An enumerated statistic that cues Community Services to do as little as possible.
Rod, The – License to party while telling the youth worker “Yes, I’m finally sorting out my life”.
Rural/Regional/Remote – Proportional penalty for lifestyle-choices.
Safety Plan – Traditional dance performed by Community Services that ritualistically preludes the inevitable breakdown of the situation.
Service Area – 1. Geolocation of dealer’s network. 2. Passing the buck on bigger issues.
Service Provider – 1. A parasitic competitive entity that feeds upon outrageously small amount of money, with its primary function to further the careers of Managers. 2. A structure and process that efficiently reduces the welfare of its youth workers. 3. A disposable object that government can consequently use to shift responsibility to, as well as take credit for.
Self Actualisation – Illusion of liberty used to coax Engagement. See: Compliance.
Self-Harm – Tragic form of communication and Client self-control in a world out of control, often spoken about by teachers behind the young person’s back in a daunted manner.
Sex – 90% chance of babies.
Sex Education – 1. Conducted by internet pornography. 2. Almost nothing to do with healthy relationships.
Sexting / Sexual Harassment – An easy way for young people to get onto the Child-Sex-Offenders List. See also: Police and AVO.
Social Enterprise – 1. A train-wreck of bleeding hearts with zero business acumen. 2. A type of exploitation, for example incorporating Work For The Dole, that improves Service Provider branding. 3. Something that has as little to do with social as possible and is enterprising as much as possible.
Social Media – 1. Platform for improved continuity of bullying. 2. Home to lack of impulse-control that funds the surveillance economy. 3. A medium for youth workers to exercise awkward Awareness-raising. 4. See: Privacy.
Solidarity – A thing totally devoid of fun, hence abhorred like disease.
Strengths-Based – The bar is pretty low.
Suicide – 1. A subject all youth workers are obliged to educate everyone about. 2. Inevitable, regular, awkward, yet necessary conversations with clients.
Support – A method of sharing Trauma.
Survey – A type of song you’ve heard before, playing the same thing over and over.
TAFE – Slow lane for thorough humiliation, whipped by funding cuts and increasing fees.
Teacher – 1. A disempowered cog in the conformity machine. 2. Righteous punisher for any display of humanity. 3. Bleeding heart sop co-conspirator in the act of Enabling. 4. Someone deserving better training and support but goes without.
Teenager – A human phase of non-compliance to be lead into the salvation of conformity.
Tender – 1. Brutal bureaucracy butchering basic benevolence. 2. Honey-pot for bad behaviour of Service Providers, preventing any meaningful collaboration between funding-cycles.
Trauma – 1. Completely common and ordinary state of things. 2. Raw ore used by Service Providers to maintain viability. 3. The uniform of slavery. 4. Heavy emotions sponged up vicariously by youth workers to keep them disempowered. See: Compliance and Career.
Treaty – A void, guarded by a white dog that barks constant insult to history and reality.
Tutor – Someone who is never available or impossible to organise.
Understanding – A type of mirage one sees in the desert.
Unemployment – Take any given publicly announced percentage, multiply by two.
University – Sales pitch to clients to aim for debt.
Ute – 1. Removalist tool of the poor. 2. Always a mate with one that never shows up.
Violence (Domestic / Family) – 1. Doesn’t exist as we all know best, and that is that teenagers need to grow up, go back home, and pull their socks up. 2. Often the end-point of an unplanned absence of Drugs. 3. The unfortunate death-throes of illegitimate authority.
Wages – You think you can do better elsewhere? Just try.
Welcome To Country / Acknowledgement Of Country – A genuine ritual of respect for Aboriginal and Torres-Strait Islander people used for meetings and ceremonies, particular to the Country in question; however sometimes used by white people to tick a box, feel good about themselves and ignore serious issues.
Welfare – A tar brush that paints shame while being the main thing keeping the economy going.
Well-Being – See: Compliance.
Well-Dressed People Getting Out of a Car – Quick hide! They are going to steal my baby!
Work Placement – Opportunity for client to embarrass the youth worker forever ruining any future opportunities with the target organisation.
Work For The Dole – 1. Neo-convicts appropriately punished and prevented from doing meaningful work or training. 2. A type of Program designed to make the Service Provider look good while herding quasi-slavery. 3. Putting young people to hard labour fixes them.
Work/Life Balance – An opportunity to finally make sure that balance does not get in the way of work/life.
Worry – A form of personality distortion that consumes the youth worker like the eternal flame while the client carries on conducting their trail of destruction.
X-Box – Deferment of feeling Trauma.
Youth / Young Person – 1. Non-constituient demographic ignored during Elections. 2. Future tax payers to fund the welfare of the middle and upper classes. 3. Primary locus for Youth Workers to raise Awareness for.
Youth Worker – 1. A role that adults take on to play out their unresolved hero-complex and thus reach Burnout in 2-3 years. 2. Someone who lacks professional training, lacks professional-level wages, and much to the terror of young people loves them. 3. A complete bore at gatherings and on social media. 4. The magical ‘fixer’ that parents have long sought. 5. Bubbly exciting extrovert that conducts pleasing engagement activities for young people in order to hide from addressing serious issues. 6. Vicarious Trauma sponge, reliving childhood oppression in the name of Making a Difference. 7. One who holds many fingers in an increasing amount of holes in the dam wall, while a tsunami casually pours over the top.
Zoo – See: Caseload and Service Area.