GONE
Opportunities
For you to understand it
Sadly keep growing
AWAY
Away
Away I
Away from you
Away I hear your hail
Away calling out to me
Away you ask for us to be
Away seeking for a deep slow pace
Away over here accepting gently
Away without holding on to an outcome
Away I’m dancing with you in gradual process
Away we circle in flowing toward each other
Away we may build to something that at times is not so
Away
LIE
Triple blonded
First, six at the heart
Shells with two and four
Second, seven at the heart
Shells with two and five
I’ll keep voting for you
Because you’re all about the truth
You shine light in the dark
You, the all father that knows best
I’ll keep voting for you
Because you’re super, you’re modern
Your photons I’ll scientifically capture
They have all and total power upon me
My hair must lie
My curls to soothe your eye
My youth yours to reign
My image unseen
I’ll stay
With you
Up to
The last
Moment
Thirty three
Eva
Anna
Paula
ALONE
01011001
01101111
01110101
00100111
01110010
01100101
00100000
01101110
01101111
01110100
00101110
00101110DESPISE
Your key punishment indicator
I kept in a cave for outcomes
The keen knives as review
I rendered
I productive
I non-human
I locus of despise
But despite you
I breathe
I dance
I swing my hips to forbidden beats
I live despite you
DECAY
We are sorry to inform you
That we cannot process a refund
When you completed the purchase
You agreed to the terms and conditions
Stated precisely and clearly
Not even in the finest print
That payment of $4.99
Was final for the product described, and
That despite your assertion to the contrary
The item in your possession
Is indeed exactly the one you understood to be buying
A re-animated clown
In advance state of decay
With unprecedented bluster and bloviation
And unlimited vile power
Enough to last twice over, maybe indefinitely
Husk of death dealing death
Absolute nadir of inevitable malignant dreams
Is all yours
Under no possible conditions it is our fault
That you got what you signed up for
We accept no liability
If the product damages you
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To make sure you don’t miss out on
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LEAVE
Don’t leave out the egg!
You say, but then I forget:
It’s just not the same!
LEFT
I upon
The bed in
The dark of night
He left the door open
But that doesn’t matter
Because I can see his muscles
The life so pumping through them
I know that relentless music inside them
A deep pulse that throbs as he approaches me
The warmth of confident hungry touch tracing down
From my chin to neck to the soft sensitive skin of my chest
I move to him no longer me but entirely alive as his instrument
As he gently but firmly plays me as I fully ignite with relentless melody
And the air caresses us with the secrets of the night from the door he left open
DISAPPEAR
[…]
Groaning
Bloody gums
Fingers no longer straight
An intermittent rattle
Deep in the air vent
Punctuates the silence
The lights overhead buzz
Remaining on almost always
Sometimes for days
Whatever those are
The new bruises
Layer upon the old
Never trust healing
Because there’s always
More hurt to come
In here no existing
Not even a here here
No event
No duration
No record
No self
What is hope
But poison?
Still, that feeling comes up
It persists:
Maybe there is a remember
Maybe out there a good word
Maybe some friend
Still, an image
Still, a beat
Still, another moment
Still, hope
Still, good blood
Still, a whistle
Still, dreaming
Still, I
EVERYBODY
When millions turn to billions
The lines must keep upward
As a tsunami of babes need their content
My eye daily scan the numbers
The numbers do not lie
They are life
New life is fragile
Fragility is embraced by fears
My paranoia is not just game theory
It is mine and it is real
And it is all
It must be scorched
Purified in fire
Surrounding fears look for who
Causes daily terror
I look to you
And point to you
Then I point to you
Also I point to you
Pointing fire
Purifier
Numbers of truth
Until everybody
Except I
END
The way
You say
I’m gorgeous
Lifts the corners on my mouth
I seem to be born with
One corner that lifts
More than the other
But you want me all the same
The way
You turn
Reminds me of beginnings
As you hold eye contact just that little bit longer
The curve of your back
As you lead me away
Slips my eyes downward
To the end
HELP
Help me finish this p...
TERRIBLE
Would anything terrible
Happen at all
If I didn’t write
Something serious?
WANT
If I strain my hearing
In the quiet of the night
I can just barely
Make out the sound of you typing
That plastic clicking
While I sit here
Staring unfocused
Body still young, but
Getting no younger
Skin tingling with
Incompleteness
Unmet for years
You’re typing to code
Believing it cares
Adaptive numeric perfection
Safely controlled
Standard I can never meet
I strain my hearing
And hear an owl outside
I snap into focus
No want for you any more
I want my skin
To be met with real skin
Body to give to body give to body
I want spoken words
Full of meaning and courage
I want imperfection
To give up control
To be met
Human to
Human
MAYBE
Maybe I should learn and try again
Maybe you’re being too hard on yourself
Maybe one day, ten years from now, he’ll finally understand
Maybe I will try tequila with the girls
Maybe it’s just oscillation between hope and doom
Maybe we’ll never know
Maybe you should turn it off
Maybe I’m frightened of actually living
Maybe it’s only worth $2.95
Maybe just one more synthesiser is the answer
Maybe you finishing this album is the therapy you’ve always needed
Maybe it’s okay to admit you’re wrong
Maybe she let it keep happening because that’s all she knows
Maybe this distant exchange is a type of love
Maybe we’re capable of much more
Maybe it’s time organise direct and powerful resistance
REACH
Look,
If you’re going to
Reach down from the sky
With your wise invisible hand
And utterly and completely annihilate me
Then fucking do it already
Because it’s getting
Extremely
Boring
PLACE
The last days
Working along the river
This place has history
Going back
Tens of thousands of years
It hasn’t been easy
Days of humid hot
Sweating work clothes
I dress not too formal
But not so casual I seem careless
If too formal
It scares people away
Because I’d look like
The workers that take
The babies away
It took three months
Just before
Anyone
Would talk to me
And no eye contact
Is actually a sign of respect
A century of modern
Has turned this place upside down
Cascading inter-generational hurt
Crushing poverty
Burnt out homes
Streets a warzone
A ghostly fat elite
With a sneer so severe
You’d think they’d actually be
Big fish
Given crumbs to work with
And no office
I roamed
Some days good things happened
A stray was helped home
Families reunited
Accommodation found
Systems navigated
Counselling done
And I guess… lives saved…
I got to learn about a culture
Eons deep
But relentless chaos
I could all but put my fingers
In thousands of cracks
In the dam wall
Count the trails of wreckage
And every evening
Return to someone miserable
And resentful
My final day
Impossible to wrap up
I stop by a young couple
To give a last update
All that I’ve put in motion
A youth in late teens, his family
Are local for thousands of years
Another youth in earlier teens
With their newborn
Her family from elsewhere
But just as ancient
The trio couch-surfing
Now at a home of a ‘friend’
That requires moving out in two weeks
And the State
Doing Nothing
But I’ve help keep them
Off the street
For months now
With them is his mother
Worn with age, but not lacking fire
She confronts me
All my training tells me to disengage
But instead I choose to listen
As she yells rage of all the things
I supposedly should have done
That have nothing to do with my role
It’s all my fault, and much more
My kind- all the same
As she hurls decades of hurt at me
As her spit sizzles
Think:
Can hold this for you
Can at least listen
Maybe in danger
But at least can try
Eventually she tires
I say my colleagues will follow up
Whatever that means
Because it will never be good enough
I left to the new job
Thinking I’d come back to this place
And one day give more
But I haven’t
Because I’m just too
Small
PLEASE
He stared at cold wall
She exclaimed everlasting love
I thought, please…
He thought his darkness
She brandished hers
I felt, please…
He punished for aborted escape
She doubled down in red
I acted, please…
He reached out the only way he knows how
She, this time, unaware
I spoke, please…
COMES
She sits upon granite
In golden field
The sky distinctive
In turbulent dark purple
As the final beams contrast the heavy
Before the front hits
She’s been waiting there
Alone for two years now
Longing, working, readying
Not just to take
Not just to give
But to connect
Someday
Someone
When unforced
For who she is
Pulse to pulse
The sky deepens
Cooling upon the gust
Any moment now
It comes
DEAD
PNP
NPN
Silicon charge state
Can never be
Alive
Although a lot of you
Might as well be dead
NEVER
He increased his followers
He engaged in a variety of platforms
He never said no to a debate
He didn’t even need to prepare
He had no need for concession
He had no conception of being wrong
He appeared to change his alliance over time
He maybe never had an alliance to begin with
He became close with those he used to criticise
He was brazen about the material he engaged with
He became regarded as famous
He became attractive to vulnerable people
He indulged and discarded
He left a trail of wreckage
He broke hearts
He was undaunted by proceedings
He doubled down
He tripled down
He quadrupled down
He infinitely down
He isolated from all old friends and family
He is still famous
He is in the feedback loop
He will never be reached
We will learn
ALL
The way
We both take in
Sweetness of bloom
At the same time, right here
Means all
And everything
To me
Right
Now
INSIDE
Inside,
Welcomed, sweet moments
A room full of young people
Fingers,
Tired of typing decades
Alone with computer
COLD
Born among oranges and sunshine
I moved to the rocky cold
I grew to please the eye of men
Path opened to fame
Though born under menorah
I bowed to powerful cross
In the cold high winds
This bird veered to the right
‘Less babies’ became my saber
As I rattled and entered the world of men
I praised the orange father
Cold, grabbing small-hands of might
I wrote a book about elephants
To clip all beautiful wings
Cold was my vicious pen
Families as terror
Until I met the man of iron
Cold was his wealthy skin
Beguiled by power, I
Then life was let in
Until I and babe discarded
Left cold and unanswered
I started to feel
What I’d been refusing to see
Then the stammering man of iron
Set his cold mecha upon me
Unblinking salacious eye
Vilest of defaming smut
After ravishing me
It set upon the children
Just as coldly as it was against
The innocents in traffic
I had become cold, so cold
I do not deserve forgiveness
Shame is my beginning
As court becomes my forge
I am sorry but never sorry enough
Out of these ashes no saint can rise
The cold truth of who I was is clear to me
The warm work lies ahead
CHOICE
You are in the orange room
You are sitting down
You have your silly little hat on
You are smiling
You notice the smoke above
You can see the flames gathering higher
You can feel the urge to say the thing
You know what everyone expects
You should say it over and over
You have been saying it for a decade
You notice the room has been on fire that long
You strain to hold the words in
You do not speak the words
You stop smiling
You you realise there was an extinguisher
You knew it was there all along
You finally know you have a choice
You turn to me as you fight the flames
You say I have a choice too
GRAY
A or E?
This one is A!
But let’s not forget
The E!
MYSELF
Not many can say
Lived a long life
Then, one anew
He a broken wreck
Temporary shelter for survival
Bricks scattered everywhere
She from oldest foundation
Clearing away the rubble
Brick by brick the new
FAILED
Doesn’t matter how well done
Even if ‘perfect’
Never good enough
Even one hundred percent
Is deemed failure
Fell under burden of proof
No act of achievement
Or virtue I could prove:
Never be enough
For you
This is because
Nothing must better you
Seen as perfect
Otherwise face
Scary work
Own what’s yours
Enough dickhead behaviour-
I’ve grown stronger
You’ve failed to assess me
I choose another way
YOU
Hearts excited
Outsider bond
Offers made
Mixed reaction
Friendship born
Inevitable chaos
False starts
Holding back
Feedback given
Not listening
Messy bounds
Push pull
Words broken
Difficult space
Sad cooling
Yet still
There is
Love here
For you
FORGOTTEN
Room is full of strange technology
Functional to sustain me
I have yet the need for quarters
That part of life long forgotten
As I operate a console processing data
The heavy electronic doors open
Your movements always efficient
You carry closeness to perfection
You speak with precision
But also a quiet passionate warmth
A clear genuine interest for how I feel
Evokes feelings unfamiliar
We speak of an old warm blanket
Eyes easily resting in the other’s gaze
You leave me deeply anticipating
A chemistry not forgotten
WATCH
The water laps our front door
Haven’t see those birds here for years
No, that’s his sixth house
This year’s motor-sport champion
My neighbour just disappeared
The diagnosis is done by computer
We all carry one
Those people are grateful to get any job
The data is never lost
Innate tolerance of pain
The fire season lasts up to winter now
After I left him I’m here now every Sunday
No need for actors or artists or musicians
Yes, but what about the normal people?
It is our destiny to flush out the vermin
The camps teach the importance of hard work
So weird to see all this feeling
One day my uterus will please him
This has more views than people that ever lived
My watch says we’re running out of time
SLIP
This is how I slipped into
When I started
I did not feel anything
Fashion in the fall of the old
My young body my power
My curves for use
The lucrative gaze
Call of liberty
When it began
I did not feel anything
I know power when I see it
He just like oče
I could give advise
Safe in his shadow
Regardless his appetite
Our agreement in law
As it rose
I did not feel anything
Never one to nag
The scion were acceptable
His golden towers rising
I stood quietly by his run
Twice made baron
Still make my own decisions
Twice I the first
As it now peaks
I do not feel anything
The rivers of money
Cannot hide the island
No knave can hide the hollow
Each night my silken slip
Is no comfort for
The inevitable fall
I slip and I feel nothing
EVERYTHING
Two of one
So precious
Mean everything
To build a life
Thoughts race ahead
What if expire
What if lost
What if pain
So push apart
Then no cause for hurt
Switch off feeling
For the best
Bury in work
But upset caused
Frustration and passion
Struggle to connect
Future uncontrolled
Loss inevitable
Longing felt
You say to me:
Everything we have
Is right now
I move to you
So precious
Two touch, one
FURTHER
I believe in you
You absolutely got this
Please take it further
BELONG
I see the animal in the cage I built
I am in there with him
Closely I see the eye of mine
Behind glass all to see
There’s no safety in my life
But everything where it belongs
No longer hollow of heart
Fear beats where it belongs
Everything around me
Is what it seems
The world I think I know
No elaborate dream
I look upon my reflection
Not yet what I could be
Looking through all the cracks
I find myself there, fear and hope to see
Worlds are inside my head
Creations I can choose to own
All the people that were and will be
I’m never really alone
I live in no illusion
I believe in me
While it’s hard I do find the woods
No need to hide in the trees
CROWD
The boy
Taught not to feel
The boy
Promised the world
The boy
Given just crumbs
The boy
Shown the gun
The man
In resentment stink
The man
Finds community of hate
The man
Now carries the gun
The man
Stands before the crowd
DAMAGED
Right there
The back of the shoulder
It starts
It moves
Unspecific terrible
Up and down the arm
Back up
To the shoulder
And then eventually
Goes away
Something’s damaged in the deep
Taking longer than usual
To fully heal
DOWN
I know this change has come out of nowhere
I know this has been hard for you
I know how this gets you down
You know I’m right here with you always consistently
You know I’ll always help promote growth
You know that you can head up
HAUNTED
Fifty two Friday evenings
In front of YouTube
Takeaway and tired
He scrolls just one more video
Just one more for tonight
Each click not for content
But a prayer
Finger upon the mouse button
Summoning selections
For an idea not there
An idea of her
Someone she never was
Disconnected in ghost touches
She may have been here here here and here
Looped he remains here here here and here
LONELY
Facing south
The room full of technology
She remembers the onion
For years now peeling back the layers
For years now as she finds herself
Layering up the new self
She finds love there
And the lonely fades
WHERE
This is the room
Where we meet regularly
To say affirming collaborative words together
And plan for a future
It’s also the same room
Where too often
Little words of steam let out
And cut and sting and burn
USED
Twelve forty five
Air still hot
Atop the sheets
Bare and tingling
Unable to sleep
She has to rise early
Work tomorrow
Him still on mind
So long to feel so safe:
Charm wit jaw vulnerable…
Back behind confident deep…
Healthy.
The work being done.
Spoken openly and true.
Young night
He spoke of stars
Her matter given
Invited relentlessness
So finally
She allowed use
Became nothing
Deliberate annihilation
No longer a self
Until a river of stars
Then complete darkness
She returned to she
But the sparkle
Remains
FIND
After so many words
Staring into your eyes find
We are both right here
GHOSTS
Trying so hard to
Not let those dark stories shape
Showing up for you
AFRAID
I’ve done so much work
No reason to be afraid
My words carry us
SEWED
We both seamstresses
Reforming from old clothing
Love sewed together